i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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