We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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