This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
