Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
