she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
