If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
