He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
