They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
