I like to think it a success when the cops are called
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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