I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
