I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
