Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
