I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
