I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
