Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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