Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
