Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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