the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
