After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
