I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
farters have to be the big spoon...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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