I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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