Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
