Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
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