I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
