onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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