I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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