Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
