You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
