I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
