...so i touched it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize