he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
