I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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