You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
