There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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