You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
