remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
