Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
