It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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