You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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