Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
do herpes really smell.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
