i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
