the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
