They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
