Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
