Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
