I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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