Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
