good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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