Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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