i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
