So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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