He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
