I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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