i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
