why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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