just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
