remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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