don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
