i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
