Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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