My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
