On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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