Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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