Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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